Sunday 30 November 2014

Pause in Advent 2014- Week One

pause in adventI'm delighted to join in again with the Pause in Advent which was hosted last year by the lovely Floss of Troc, Broc and Recup who has passed the baton to the equally lovely Angela of Tracing Rainbows.

I cannot believe a whole year has passed. It has been another year of tumult with some very deep and desperate lows particularly around serious illness in those that I love. I too have been severely limited in my mobility by on-going knee pain. There have been lovely and fun things that have happened, wonderful friends, blessings and abilities that have enabled, supported and created a sense of joy at times too.

In my daily life I hate routine and love going with the flow to engage and respond. I positively loathe having my days mapped out with appointments and demands. Where others enjoy structure, anticipation and planning I often find I've lost interest by the time a long awaited concert or event finally rolls round.

Conversely, in the important aspects of life and in my relationships particularly I crave certainty and security, finding it almost insurmountably hard to deal with uncertainty and not knowing where things are going to end. This often makes me very risk averse and I over-ponder decisions through my need to explore every single potential outcome and alternative. While this is hard enough to do for yourself it is even harder to do on behalf of someone that you love such as a child or parent who lacks capacity. This self-imposed pressure often becomes overwhelming which in turn makes things even more difficult and I neglect my own needs.

This is when I find it hardest to let go and let God and to hear the voice of reason that can only be heard internally when I am ready to listen. This Advent I feel the need to renew my connection with the Lord, to live in the moment and to find a way to negotiate a path between my fears and the need to embrace freedom.

This year particularly I need to make the best of this Christmas as it is likely prove to be more bittersweet than any other due to my Mother's advancing illness. To stop myself becoming overwhelmed by anticipatory grief I need to find my balance, to operate in the moment and to make time to meditate quietly so that I can draw on God's Strength, Wisdom and Love.

15 comments:

  1. It may be a simple phrase but you said it yourself "let go and let God". I hope you find your life's balance as you continue to live in the moment.

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  2. It is good of you to join in with P in A when you ave so much else going on right now.Thank you for your post - it HAS been a hard year for you, and as you say, Christmas itself will be bittersweet. I do pray that in the business of it all, there will be moments of heavenly peace, when you can stop and hear the angels singing x

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  3. I hope you find the right balance, and that 2015 will be a better year.

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  4. That you understand that you need to 'let go and let God' means you are ready to listen...so it will happen.
    Jane x

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  5. Golly. Worrying about tomorrow is such a difficult task to stop doing and yet such a sensible thing not to do. Worrying about things we can neither control nor change is a waste of time....
    Having said that, you need a strong will to be able to stop the thought and redirect them. I hope you find a balance that gives you peace and strength. Thanks for pausing for a moment.

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  6. It sounds like this Christmas will be both special and challenging in different ways for you. I hope you find the balance you seek, and a way to navigate the coming months without too much stress or worry. x

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  7. You are so wise my friend, the hardest thing for me is to let go and let God move through my life. I am thinking of you and sending you a hug,
    Meredith

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  8. God be with you dear friend!xx

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  9. Thinking of you at this time and wishing that all goes as well as it can. xx

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  10. May joy in the present be yours this Advent x

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  11. It will help to allow God show you his love at this special time of year. It's hard not to anticipate the pending grief but, although you know it will come, remember that grief can come unexpectedly too. We can't live constantly waiting for the worst to happen - it would drive us to distraction.

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  12. I pray that you know Gods love and peace throughout Advent and Christmas.

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  13. thinking of you and wishing you and your family peace at this time

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  14. I enjoyed reading your thought-provoking Advent posts last year and look forward to your reflections this year. I agree with you about the frustrations of having too much structure imposed on your daily life, and it especially frustrates me when they are imposed by health issues. Out of all the lifestyle adjustments I have had to make, I miss that spontaneity the most.

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  15. You are wise to work out your coping strategies to get you through Christmas and beyond and while that is a thought for the future, you are also wise to focus on 'being in the moment' instead of anticipating what may be to come.
    Wishing you strength, patience, courage and peace with God's love this Christmas. xxx

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