I have joined in with Floss for her Pause on Advent. When I read about it, it struck a chord within me and I felt it was something I'd love to be involved in and Floss has generously allowed me to participate. Then, I had to think what I might say, or reflect upon....!
I didn't want to write something so deep I would regret sharing it in a blog or so trite and upbeat that it was meaningless. For this reason my week one of advent is being published only hours from my week two pause.
I have read all of the blogs who are participating for inspiration and each is very personal and different which is fascinating but didn't help me find the 'tone' or subject for mine. So I did what I usually do when I first start researching something I need to write and asked Google for a definition. It gave me this: "Advent - the arrival of a notable person or thing"; and this got me thinking.
Sometimes the thing we await was actually here all the time but don't always realise it. I suspect there are two lost people in this relationship right now, God and Me. I still feel I have a strong relationship with God and that He is a permanence in my life but I haven't actually had much time for him and have simply taken him for granted. By the same token he might reside here with me but I see few examples of where he has stepped up to the mark, put himself out or is pulling his weight. I am sure if we were in a human relationship we'd be having problems of feeling used, taken for granted and not being valued for the unique individuals we are. We don't communicate much or spend time just enjoying each other's company.
Life has been hard recently, and if I am bluntly honest, this year has been hell with much sadness, fear, anxiety and frustration. Some aspects have also been blessed with great people and assistance but at the point of action or inaction the burdens have been mine alone and very heavy they have been. I do feel very put upon, and although I do not 'blame' God as such, I am deeply resentful that the last eight years have been so hard and that each time it looks like the possibility of a corner being turned is simply to slam into another brick wall. It is not an exaggeration to say that the stressors have been significant, sustained and unrelieved. Yes, they change but over time they have only been replaced with new and sometimes even more dreadful events or decisions. This is partly why I think have been crafting so prolifically as immersing myself in new learning is a kind of balm, or distraction, to my soul.
What I think I would like to get out of this Advent in moving forward to 2014 is a sense of balance and stability. I would like to find peace and contentment which will allow me to relax and enjoy life without having to keep shifting my burdens from one shoulder to another. My hope is that by establishing a greater communication with God will prepare the way for something better and to find comfort in moving forward.
Pretty pic.
ReplyDeleteI didn't join the Pause in Advent this year although I have in the past, but am enjoying the posts - every year is different and I notice this time around some posts are less about the writers feelings on their denomination/beliefs, so much as on how they actually feel and respond to God - I completely identify with your connection when you do your crafting - I wouldn't call it a distraction though, I think God likes us to be creative and some of my best religious pondering moments are when I am painting so I think it's a positive thing. Thanks for visiting my blog by the way - I enjoyed your posts here about cats - I love them too. Betty
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Betty, it is lovely to have you stop by, and anyone who adores my cats is all good in my book!
DeleteI like your point about using a creative part of your brain to allow the other parts to engage in some freeform pondering rather than it just being for distraction, as that is probably a much better way of putting it.
I also envy you being able to paint as that seems to be my nemesis. I have no talent in getting a mental image from my head onto paper without it looking like the naïve scrawl of a child with a crayon.
God loves crafting!! Think if the intricacies of creating the tabernacle with all its specifying thread colours and counts! Another greatly meaningful piece of writing x
DeleteYou did a spectacular job today, speaking from the heart is always the best. Life can be so difficult, but you keep moving, keep trusting and allow God in to help you through the journey. Well done,
ReplyDeleteMeredith
Thank you so much Meredith, it means a lot to hear this from you. It is also very interesting that you used the word trust too as that is what I was writing for today's pause when you left this comment as this makes me feel I am on the right road.
DeleteDo take care and thank you for stopping by with your encouragement.
Thank you for your Pause in Advent". I can identify with many of the things you wrote. I look forward to reading your next "pauses". I did read some of your older posts but since I am totally unable to sew, knit, crochet, or any other handwork that any normal gran would be able to do I gave up. *smile*
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by and even for trying to read some of my crafty posts as that made me smile. Although I blog just for myself and thought about merging the two it seemed a bit of a shame as some crafters are just not interested in cat and the same of some cat people. Poor you coming by for the Pause then being confronted by all things crafty!
DeleteI do hope you come by again for the pause and thank you for sharing that it struck a note with you too as that is reassuring.
Your words about your feelings about your relationship with God resonate strongly with me - I think I'm in a similar place to you. All I can do is trust (there's that word again) that he is big enough to understand where I'm at, and to try to keep clinging on to his hand - although too often, I do let go and go wandering away.
ReplyDeleteOh, why are so many of us in similar places, I wonder? Thank you so much for joining in and for sharing this. My own experience has been different - relating to your 'trust' post I had a rather nasty shock relating to a family member I trusted, and at that point my mind seems to have gone: 'if that faith was completely mis-placed, what about your faith in God? Maybe it was just wishful thinking too..?' and I'm struggling to get back from there, even if in fact the family relationship has been somewhat mended. The associated problem for me was feeling alienated from our French church, simply because I struggle to socialise on a deeper level in my second language. So in a way I had no babk-up when my faith was challenged. The advice I put a link to in my initial Advent post has had the biggest impact on me - keep on putting yourself in God's way. Don't avoid contact and don't brush-off his attempts at contact as mere coincidence or emotion. For me this means taking church seriously, among other things. I dont know what it would mean for you, though - each of us is different and that makes this whole Pause thing very interesting. I'm so glad you're joining in.
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